Kossi and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary last August and there are a couple of things that have been different than what I expected…

We have never gone to bed at the same time. Literally, not a single time!

It sounds funny to write it out, but it’s so normal to me now. It all started because we have really different sleep patterns. I pass out as soon as my head hits the pillow, but Kossi is a night owl and has always taken forever to wind down.

So, we generally go to bed an hour apart every night. Is it weird? I used to wonder. Are we just supposed to wave goodnight in the living room or office?

But then we figured out our own nightly ritual. I get sleepy around 9:00 p.m. I’ll brush my teeth, floss and wash my face, and Kossi will come tuck me in. We’ll talk about our day, pray, and he’ll rub my back. It’s such a romantic time and has become one of my favourite parts of the day.

Then Kossi will get up, and for the next hour, he’ll listen to music, read books or watch something on Netflix. Plus, he cherishes that quiet time by himself. “As an introvert, I need alone time as much as you need social time,” he told me. “Sometimes I just need to sit by the window and watch the late-night dog walkers go by, or watch the traffic light turn from green to red, green to red. I don’t do yoga or meditation; I do this instead.”

Another thing I expected that’s rarely happened is having a meal together at the table. I remember as a newlywed, I would prepare dinner when I got home and patiently wait for him to arrive, like my mom told me to do.

When Kossi would come home, although the food would be ready, all he’d want to do was unwind in front of the computer (though he works as a software programmer during the day)! It was really frustrating to me until I understood that Kossi was not much of a social eater, not much of a foodie, and he took his dinner very late. I, on the other hand, need to eat dinner early to make sure I digest properly. So now I make dinner but I leave his plate in the microwave and he eats when he’s ready. On our date night once a week, we make sure to connect with a romantic time that we take turns planning out.

It’s funny, marriage seems to have all these norms and expectations, but at the end of the day, you just figure out what works best for the two of you. Done and done.