Photo source: http://www.thecentreforleadingandliving.ca

I spent have spent some precious years of my life wrapped up in fear. Fear of what people may think, fear of disappointment, even fear of joy because I wonder when I will loose it!

I don’t consider myself an expert when it comes to overcoming fear. I have learned valuable lessons in the last 3 years that I would love to share with you.

1.  Fear is normal

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have a fear of something, or someone. They may not talk about it openly but I can guarantee everyone has a list of circumstances or people they fear. However there are people who face their fears and there are people who let fears define them.

A person who allows fear to define them is not a weak person or a bad person… They may not always realize just how strong they can be.

Sometimes through challenges, or what people say to us and certainly what we believe we become someone we were not necessary meant to become.

2. Name your Fear

If ever just like me you want to find out what you are made of. Take the time to write 3 things you are afraid of and why.

When I started contemplating having a baby I did just that. I realized I was afraid of change. Change in my physical appearance, change in my relationship with my husband etc. Once I named my fears they seem so ridiculous and I was able to talk about it with friends who reassured me which brings me to my next point:

3. Surround yourself with people who empathize with you

We all need connection,being able to talk through our fears with people and them saying: Yeah, I’ve been there is the most gratifying experience.

When I got pregnant with my son, the fear didn’t dissipate right away. I often found myself having panic attacks and thinking: “What the heck I’m I doing?”. I also had nightmares about the delivery. My husband and I met up with a Doula group regularly that empathized with me and validated how I felt. At the same time they always gave me a little courage.

When I became self employed I was so scared! What if I’m not good enough? What if no one wants to hire me? It helped me to be part of groups of self-employed people like me to talk about the different challenges we can encounter and I was grateful for the different organizations like Info entrepreneur or the Centre Local de Developpement de Laval . They helped me save a lot of time and gave me all kinds of resources along my entrepreneurship journey.

This year I decided to tackle my fear of water my taking swimming classes. I talked about my fears to my coach who listened and had a good sense of humor. She assured me I wouldn’t die! She challenged me to try something new every class like going a little further where my feet didn’t touch the bottom, even jumping from the trampoline!

4. Have boundaries with negative people

There’s always going to be people who have something negative to say. Beware of them. Unless they are in the same boat as you; facing their fears; then let them go. Sometimes when we choose to face our fears it  makes people uncomfortable.

5. Take Action

When you know exactly what scares you and you have your support system just go for it. Try to take steps every day to get closer to your goal.

With pregnancy I was afraid of getting fat ( I know I’m vain), so I met up with a nutritionist before I got pregnant to get advice on what to eat to minimize weight gain. Funny enough the nutritionist I met was pregnant! She told me that there is a myth in pregnancy that you are supposed to eat for two but that is not the case. In fact the first trimester you should eat about the same as before and the other trimesters you need to add 300 calories which is the equivalent of a bowl of cereal. So that’s what I did, I ate like I normally did and if I was still hungry I would add a bowl of cheerios. I gained 20lbs during pregnancy.

When my crazy swimming coach challenged me to do things I was affraid of. I just did it! I had panic attacks sometimes but I learned pretty fast that I could float, I just had to stay calm.

6. Face it again and again

Surprisingly I can honestly say fear never really goes away. When you face a new obstacle, fear is always there to say hello. Be ready to face fears as you go on your journey.

I was surprised how many times fear gripped me during pregnancy and even after… Every day I had to make a choice to follow fear or Faith. When my new born wouldn’t sleep, I wondered if this was going to be my life forever. I had to stay in the moment and my good friend thought me to say: “This too shall pass”.

Every time I got to the deep part of the pool my anxiety gripped me, my heart raced, I could not breath and I had to make a decision to panic or stay calm.

Every time I have a new contract, I wonder if I’ll be good enough, get to serve my clients and please them. I make a decision to take it one meeting at a time, one room after another.

7. Pray

Basically talk out loud! Instead of going trhough all kinds of thoughts inside your head, talk it out. I find when I can get in a quiet room and just pray or talk out loud, things seem less scary once I speak them and often when I am done praying I feel changed! The circumstance may not have changed but my outlook is different.

What about you? Have you ever had to face a dear? How did you conquer it?